Dear Nancy

Dear Nancy,

Perhaps you remember me, Madam Spea–  oh no, wait … you’re not Speaker of the House anymore. My bad, as the kids are fond of saying these days.

In any event, you may remember me from a birthday wish that I penned to you almost two years ago, an article that caught quite a bit of Internet traffic according to the metrics I followed at the time. I realize that you probably appreciated my thinking of you back then, so I can only assume that you’ll be happy to know that, indeed, I’m thinking of you once again.

Before I jump into my reasons for once again writing to you, allow me to re-visit my opening point: remind me as to the reasons for your no longer being the Speaker in our House of Representatives, in what remains of our constitutional republic.

Obviously, from a practical perspective–something that you decidedly lack, by the way–we could simply agree that the reason for your unfortunate legislative circumstance is the unmitigated flogging that your party (we dare not call it “Democratic,” because we both know that’s a term that was long ago hijacked) suffered in 2010 at the hands of the conservative electorate–not necessarily Republicans–throughout America. Why did that happen?

Is it that the off-the-edge, far-Leftist policies that emanate from the minds of your people are anathema to the free people of America?

Is it that in all of your seemingly hundreds of manufactured opportunities in front of the camera, you come across as simultaneously disingenuous, out-of-touch, unhinged, deceitful, and unabashedly arrogant?

Or, perhaps it is a very subtle blend of all these ingredients. I don’t know, and in all honesty I really don’t care. I only pen this missive today because I felt the need to respond to some of your recent comments.

You’re apparently on record as telling a group of reporters that you feel that the 2012 elections will result in the distinct possibility of your regaining the gavel in the House. Well, before I explore that possibility, allow me to take a moment to pray for what’s left of America should that unlikely notion come to pass. After all, you’re an ardent Catholic and have invoked our faith on several occasions in front of the cameras, so I can only assume that you can appreciate the gesture on my part.

My prayer completed, I’m now forced to ask: are you not thinking clearly, or is it that you are, in truth, as completely daft as you seem on television?

The former is a distinct possibility, since you probably spend as least a decent portion of your time in the haze of San Francisco.  The latter is likely true as well, as you are in fact a liberal Democrat. Still, I honestly have a hard time wrapping my arms around the latter concept, because as a staunch believer in the innate intelligence of man, I can’t believe anyone–even you–could be that much of a basket case.

But I digress.

Look around you, Congresswoman. For all intents and purposes, what you’re seeing is a country in damn-near full political revolt. I can’t speak for you, obviously, but I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes at this point in American history. Not on a bet. Other than your sychophants in San Francisco and amongst the elitists in the beltway, the vast majority of common-sense Americans consider you one of the most reviled political figures, if not the most reviled, in our nation today. You’re certainly in the top three, and let’s face it – a stray dog could name the other two.

Consequent to your undressing yourselves in fron– no, wait, I don’t want to see that happen, either … Consequent to your party fulling exposing themselv– dammit, I had enough of that with Anthony Weiner … Consequent to the results of the 2008 elections, the members of your Democratic Party apparently felt that they could unmask their true intentions for America for all to see. You had the White House and super-majorities on both sides of the aisle, but yet you still, for some whacky reason, claim that it was and continues to be the Republicans who stand in the way of “progress”.

Explain to me, once again, how that works … since, of course, I’m merely an underling, and a conservative one to boot.

The American people have now seen your concept of “progress”, which to be honest, is far and away more regress than anything else. When you step back and objectively view the totality of the American people’s response to your “accomplishments”, how in the name of all that’s Holy do you honestly believe that people outside of San Francisco think that Democrats have good ideas?

The complete and utter illogic behind such a contention is, in a word, staggering.

Perhaps a few of your greatest hits, shall we say, might remind the electorate of the lack of complete political acumen that you proudly display for all to see:

One of the real questions that I have for you, Congresswoman, is simply this: why are you still working? In any capacity? You are pushing 72 years of age and enjoy, by all accounts, a large and fabulously wealthy family, including lots of grandchildren on whom you would be able to dote at your leisure, wealth that you can spread around to and lavish on family members and elitist friends, “low-cost” labor in the vineyards — we underlings can only dream of such a set of life circumstances.

So, I ask once again: why are you still working? (I use “work” in the loosest sense possible.)

Is it as simple and obvious as an insatiable addiction to power in the abstract, the desire to force your will upon people that you clearly view as your inferiors, and the perks that come with these considerations, such as unfettered access to insider trading information with your cronies on Wall Street? I mention this last point simply because unless my eyes and common sense deceive me, you clearly can be bought. Your having managed to ram through universal medical coverage–one-sixth of the largest economy on planet earth, on a technicality called “reconciliation” (now there’s a conflict in terms)–certainly speaks to your deal-brokering skills.

I’m not sure what it is, Congresswoman, but you sure are a case study in enigmatic personalities. Yessir.  However, since we can both agree that we’re on opposite sides of the hotly-contested cultural battle that is being waged in America today, please allow me to end with a reference to battles past. Perhaps you’ve heard the story about the manner in which the French soldiers used to combat the threat of the English longbow back during the Hundred Years’ War? A certain, rather strong colloquialism that is frequently used today in an effort to express one’s displeasure with another individual comes to us directly from those long-ago wars. It’s rather interesting. I’d suggest you look it up. Consider this little piece of historical trivia my way of signing off my message to you.

Here, Ms. Pelosi — let me Google that for you.

For the record, congresswoman — I’m just a regular, middle-class guy, and I’ve never been a gambler in any sense of the word, but I’ll take the Republicans minus-15 on both sides of the aisle in November. Have your people contact my people if you want in on that action.



  1. T.I.M. says:


    My Google search capabilities aren’t fruitful. Can you give a bit of clarity on the “rather strong colloquialism” referenced above?


  2. Jeff Schreiber says:
  3. T.I.M. says:


    Thanks for the history lesson, and lmgtfy, which I’d never heard of (nor did
    I notice the link you offered). This also gives a bit more depth to “birds of
    a feather”.

  4. Nessie says:

    We need to drain this swamp of an administration to what all has spawned in it.

  5. Tdonovan says:

    She just goes to prove you can have a lot of money and no brains and be in the public spotlight. That’s why libs and Hollywood get along so well. Just think all libs want to grow up and be just like this b- – - -h & Bill Marher

Speak Your Mind