So, as we speak, the Guy from Southside Chicago–known in some circles as the president of the United States, and in others yet as Marxism’s Greatest Hope–is vigorously searching for the person responsible for the rapidly expanding oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico so that he will know precisely “whose ass to kick.”
Don’t you just love the elevated prose emanating from the White House now that endlessly inarticulate former President George W. Bush is out of there and back in Crawford, Texas? That’s a “change” all right. Amazing what a Harvard education will do for you.
Nevertheless, the president’s search should be brief. If he’s looking for a spot to plant his foot, the solution is simple:
- Start at his own mouth.
- Drop down about two feet.
- Do a 180-degree turn.
- Step back about one foot and do another 180-degree turn.
Voila!! The posterior in question is none other than the Posterior of the United States of America. After performing steps one through four, there he should find his own gluteus maximus (that’s Latin for “buttocks,” for those of us not educated at Harvard). He could even get a full length mirror to assist in the targeting function. Who knows — perhaps the First Lady could be of some assistance.
All kidding aside, Barack Obama should unequivocally be the prime target for Barack Obama’s synthetic and contrived wrath, since it is he, the apparatchiks in his regime and his sycophants in this Congress who have decreed that drilling for oil can never take place in shallow waters in the Gulf but must instead be driven out into waters over a mile deep, where the spill now gushes. Perhaps the brilliant Charles Krauthammer summarized the lunacy best in a recent piece entitled Whose Blowout Is It, Anyway? A few tidbits:
Heres my question: Why are we drilling in 5,000 feet of water in the first place?
Many reasons, but this one goes unmentioned: Environmental chic has driven us out there. As production from the shallower Gulf of Mexico wells declines, we go deep (1,000 feet and more) and ultra deep (5,000 feet and more), in part because environmentalists have succeeded in rendering the Pacific and nearly all the Atlantic coast off-limits to oil production. (President Obama’s tentative, selective opening of some Atlantic and offshore Alaska sites is now dead.) And of course, in the safest of all places, on land, weve had a 30-year ban on drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
There will always be catastrophic oil spills. You make them as rare as humanly possible, but where would you rather have one: in the Gulf of Mexico, upon which thousands depend for their livelihood, or in the Arctic, where there are practically no people? All spills seriously damage wildlife. Thats a given. But why have we pushed the drilling from the barren to the populated, from the remote wilderness to a center of fishing, shipping, tourism and recreation?
It is that lunacy which has doomed the Gulf. It is that lunacy which once again has the president wielding a tough facade. And it is that lunacy which was only outdone by The Chosen One’s most recent verbal nugget. Hope and change has given way, it seems, to assault and battery.
Had the BP disaster occurred at a place easier to reach and repair, the likelihood is that the spill would have been capped far sooner and the oil confined to a far smaller area. No soiled beaches. No oil-slicked pelicans. No decimation of the fishing and tourist industries along the Gulf Coast.
Ah, but the opportunity to blame others for the damage created by his own policies–the signature hallmark of the regime now in charge–proved too much. We must renew the search for a scapegoat … so long as the scapegoat is not a Democrat or a prominent campaign donor.
On the other hand, while one might speculate that placing a swift kick where it belongs may be a bit difficult, anatomically speaking, since the president has already displayed extraordinary acrobatic skill at scraping and bowing to other world “leaders” and inserting his own foot into his mouth with accelerating frequency since capturing the office he holds, perhaps his task will be easier. Practice makes perfect.
In the meantime, however, if landing the kick himself proves too difficult, there are probably a lot of other folks who’d be willing to stand in line to volunteer.