The Great America’s Right Climate Change Poetry Contest

With the sudden reemergence of former vice president and polar bear patron saint Al Gore in a New York Times op-ed piece this weekend, I think the renewed spirit of the Climate Change debate requires action from ordinary folks like you and like me.  Action, I tell you!

While I certainly found Gore’s prose in yesterday’s commentary to be interesting …

It is true that the climate panel published a flawed overestimate of the melting rate of debris-covered glaciers in the Himalayas, and used information about the Netherlands provided to it by the government, which was later found to be partly inaccurate. In addition, e-mail messages stolen from the University of East Anglia in Britain showed that scientists besieged by an onslaught of hostile, make-work demands from climate skepticsmay not have adequately followed the requirements of the British freedom of information law.

But the scientific enterprise will never be completely free of mistakes.

… it seemed to lack the same ethereal, imaginative qualities of the as-yet-untitled poem–nay, the tour de force–we here at America’s Right tentatively titled “Neptune’s Bone.”


One thin September soon

A floating continent disappears

In midnight sun.

Vapors rise as

Fever settles on an acid sea.

Neptune’s bones dissolve.

Snow glides from the mountain.

Ice fathers floods for a season.

A hard rain comes quickly,

Then dirt is parched.

Kindling is placed in the forest

For the lightning’s celebration.

Unknown creatures

Take their leave, unmourned.

Horsemen ready their stirrups.

Passion seeks heroes and friends.

The bell of the city

On the hill is rung.

The shepherd cries,

The hour of choosing has arrived:

Here are your tools.

It’s been a while since we last did any sort of project or contest here at America’s Right.  But this, I believe, is perfect for just such a thing.  What I’d like from each and every one of you is some sort of literary work — a poem, perhaps, but haikus and limericks and other such devices will surely be acceptable.

For a topic, try to focus on Gore and on the farce that is climate change.  But you’re welcome to branch off into other debate-worthy issues, such as health care or amnesty or the upcoming mid-term elections.  Keep ‘em relatively pithy.

Now, I haven’t thought far enough ahead to decide when the contest/project will come to an end, nor have I decided how a winner will be decided or what that winner will get.  But rest assured, especially on the latter, please don’t expect anything of big-time value as a prize — we’re broke over here, and with the policies of this congress and administration, I don’t know if relief is coming any time soon.

Nevertheless, have fun with it.  To start things off, here is my own offering:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

The climate change debate is dead,

So shut the hell up, already.

Now, I’m obviously no poet.  But neither is Al Gore, so the bar hasn’t been set too high.  Get going, folks!






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Comments

  1. Wilt Waltman says:

    Ants.
    They mess up my picnic,
    They eat my sandwich,
    And make me squirm when they get in my shorts.

    If only the seas would rise,
    If only the sun would bake,
    If only the winds would blow,
    And otherwise preoccupy the ants while I eat my potato salad.

    Where are the rising seas, Al Gore?
    Where are the deadly tides?
    I’ve been waiting patiently for global warming, Al Gore,
    But all I have are ants.

  2. cjbernard says:

    Once upon a time there was a man named Al Gore,
    Who when he opened his mouth was really a bore.
    To some, he was a God.
    To others, he was a sod.
    But for anyone with common sense, he was like an open sore.

  3. steve C says:

    There once was aman named Al Gore
    You know, the ex VP who’s a fat bore

    He yells it is warming as
    Outside the snow’s forming

    Thus, on ‘Inconvenient Truth’,
    He’s a book whore

  4. Dean M. says:

    In Fear of Heat

    The global warming fright portends
    A subconscious fear of heat and hell
    A fire that will not be quenched
    By a seared and smoldering conscience

    Seared, indeed, by a humanistic delirium
    False utopianism served up overdone
    By pseudo-climatologists crying wolf
    To bring them into the limelight

    A temporary notoriety falling fast
    Into the chaos of their vain imaginings
    With unholy alliance, Left with Mohammed
    To fill a lost faith and with their moral void

    They have their false messiah now
    But their souls cry out in fear of heat
    The fear of heat that awaits the damned
    On Judgment Day!

  5. Gail B. says:

    Oh, y’all are good! I thought about this one (but will give it some real thought after I rest and grab a bite to eat — I HAVE WATER AGAIN –finally!!!):

    Roses are red;
    Violets are blue;
    Global warming stinks
    Because it’s not true.

  6. John Feeny says:

    IT’S SNOWING ON MAX YASGUR’S FARM

    1968
    Woodstock’s communal love fest
    The sad beginning

    Petulant spoiled brats
    No responsibility
    Working class struggle

    Intelligently
    Entitled to be in charge
    The ends justify the means

    First global cooling
    DEET safe but still illegal
    CAFE rules in cars

    Global warming in
    Rising seas will drown us all
    Human race must die

    Carter then Reagan
    Conservatism gone wild
    American strength

    Clinton and Al Gore
    Woodstock rears its ugly head
    Hidden communists

    George W. Bush
    Semblance of some common sense
    Way too much spending

    Barack Obama
    The left makes its greatest push
    Climategate emails

    We get Neptune’s Bone
    Al Gore his big chance is blown
    What I earn I own

  7. Michelle Zhang says:

    Your Inconvenient Truth
    Was full of inconvenient lies.
    Did you think we were stupid
    And wouldn’t see with our eyes?

    That they falsified data
    And they knew they were wrong.
    Yet still they say “debate’s over”
    Loudly and strong.

    You can’t hide the real truth
    That we simply don’t know.
    That the debate is still going
    We have a long way to go.

    You want us to listen
    Yet you brush away facts.
    The ones that don’t support
    The things you throw on our backs.

    In truth the debate goes on
    And in hope we truly find
    The impact we all will have
    The future of mankind.

    But please we are not stupid
    and your alarm we do not fear.
    We need openness and discussion
    To make the truth clear.

    So please listen Mr. Vice President
    And hear my written plea.
    Your own carbon-footprint is too big,
    This we can both agree.

  8. Loren Bryant says:

    I’m not much of a poet either and this is only my first try:

    A man named Al Gore I heard tell
    Found global warming a thought he could sell
    Scientists were paid
    The truth to evade
    “Warming keeps it from snowing in hell”

  9. Stella Barbut says:

    O come on good Mr. Al Gore,
    Stop beating that poor old dead horse some more,
    It wont get up and help you make.
    More icing for your great big cake.
    Instead you can easily kill
    The monstrous Cap and Trade Bill,
    If only you kindly will
    Agree to breathe through one nostril.
    In the meantime stay warm in the igloo
    Nice kind people built for you.

  10. Sam says:

    From the bloated Al Gore
    We will hear more and more,
    For he’s nothing but a camera whore.
    Give it a rest,
    You’re nothing but a pest,
    Someone give him an IQ test.
    PLEASE

  11. Longfellow says:

    Cutting down mankind
    He’s gone to new heights
    But not a peep from him…. about termites.

    And if the world is indeed about to bake,
    Maybe, just maybe, he’d quit eating steak.

    Mr Al Gore I have heard enough from you
    Every chart you’ve presented has been proven… poo.

  12. There once was a very big bore
    Who went by the name of Al Gore
    He told such folktales of lore
    He could put all to sleep and to snore
    He told us lies of what’s in store
    Selling a scam that would make us all poor
    But it was all such propaganda de jour
    So the people showed him the door
    We yearned for the truth of yore
    But Al gore continued to roar
    Flying his private jet on world tour
    Except there’s no warming, but snow galore
    We have no less polar bears or spores
    With the same artic ice and seashores
    The only real change is a huge eyesore
    Because now the bore is as fat as a boar

  13. Gail B. says:

    Okay, I’ve given this some thought.

    A picture is worth a thousand words; I can’t top Jeff’s picture of Al Gore spewing $h!t from his mouth.

  14. PSI says:

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Polar bears are white,
    And Al Gore’s a lying sack of shit.

  15. Anonymous says:

    oh snap! 8:29

  16. StinkingMeat says:

    No ThinkingMeat poetic entry yet?
    Come on meat, throw us a bone here.

  17. Fragil.e says:

    Dang, looks like PSI is in the lead for this major award.

  18. NEPTUNE says:

    Around Al Gore this world does revolve
    I cherish his concern for my bones that dissolve.
    Ready your hankies ye shepherds that cry
    For Mr Al Gore writes his poetry when high.
    And as for those creatures who are taking their leave
    Its more than likely they just crawled off to heave.
    For all of this talk of stirrups and such
    Even the critters know he’s way out of touch.
    So what of the bell on the citys far hill
    Its ringing to warn us of Al gore the shill.

  19. Jeff Schreiber says:

    Around Al Gore this world does revolve
    I cherish his concern for my bones that dissolve.
    Ready your hankies ye shepherds that cry
    For Mr Al Gore writes his poetry when high.
    And as for those creatures who are taking their leave
    Its more than likely they just crawled off to heave.
    For all of this talk of stirrups and such
    Even the critters know he’s way out of touch.
    So what of the bell on the citys far hill
    Its ringing to warn us of Al gore the shill.

    Brilliant.

  20. NEPTUNE says:

    Did I pass PSI in the race to the podium? Is it true the prize is a Rolex? or a Toyota Camry:(

  21. Jeff Schreiber says:

    Did I pass PSI in the race to the podium? Is it true the prize is a Rolex? or a Toyota Camry:(

    The prize is my house. You just need to let me assign the mortgage to you, and we’ll call it a day!

  22. NEPTUNE says:

    “The prize is my house. You just need to let me assign the mortgage to you, and we’ll call it a day!”

    Is it a Fannie mortgage, and too big to fail? Barney will spot me if I get behind, right? (Tho that was just wrong to use Barney and the word ‘behind’ in the same sentence.)

  23. nana says:

    There once was a blowhard named Gore,
    Who searched for a cause he could whore

    To line his pockets was his only motivation
    So he pimped his sham to every nation.

    He parlayed his hoax by belching his lies
    And slanted the truth but garnered The Prize.

    Al preached Global Warming and urged living green
    While flying his jet and wasting gasoline.

    The Inconvenient Truth became such a joke
    When the research unraveled and went up in smoke.

    The winters grew stronger and temperatures dropped
    And all could see that this scam had finally flopped.

    Gore disappeared and sought somewhere to hide
    From all of his victims who knew he had lied.

    Wherever he is I hope his fat butt is cold
    And he lives with his fraud until he is old.

  24. NEPTUNE says:

    Come on nana, I really need the Rolex.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Went to the AR archives to retrieve a limerick I wrote.

    There once was a man named Gore
    Who everyone has agreed is a bore
    When he speaks of earths fever
    You wanna head for a cleaver
    To keep his mouth from running anymore

  26. Mark says:

    Sung to the tune of Liar Liar Pants on Fire.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMXGSP_nPyY

    “Liar Liar, Pants on fire
    Gore’s nose is longer than a telephone wire.

    The science is settled, Peer review,
    You lie for me, I’ll lie for you.

    Glaciers are melting, oh what a joke.
    I want some of what you smoke.

    Liar Liar, Gore’s just a liar.
    Don’t believe him and you’re called a Denier.

    You keep on tellin’ the same old lies,
    Truth is gettin’ out, oh what a surprise.

    CO2 is bad or so you say,
    We’ll all starve if you have your way.

    Cap and Trade is just a way,
    To line your pockets day by day.

    Polar Bears are dyin’ all of the time,
    How ’bout some cheese with your whine.

    The science isn’t settled in our eyes,
    We’re gettin’ tired of all your lies.”

  27. Ma Terial Listic says:

    Well, Jeff, one of us is anxiously awaiting a prize.

  28. NEPTUNE says:

    I’d settle for one of those meaningless Nobel prizes, Jeff.

  29. nana says:

    The perfect prize would be a voodoo doll (w/pins) of ALGOR the Flatulent, Neptune.

  30. Tipper says:

    nana, be nice….. NOT

  31. George says:
  32. George says:

    Jeff… you should include some of this in your net writings..

    BTW… the link posted earlier changed to this one
    http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/03/11/1525575_green-police-chief-spent-freely.html

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