Al Gore Presents … ‘Neptune’s Bone’

I don’t often have a chance to listen to Glenn Beck’s show in the mornings, but yesterday was an exception. And, oh boy, was it worth it. The whole thing arises from the revelation a few days ago that former Vice President Al Gore had concluded the first chapter of his new book with a poem. A crappy poem. And, since it doesn’t have a formal name that I know of, I’ve decided to title it myself:

“Neptune’s Bone.”

I know that ten minutes for the Glenn Beck clip is a long time, but upon hearing Beck and Pat Gray and Stu Burguiere burning off a little excess time by playing with Gore’s poetry and delivery to Harry Smith, I couldn’t stop chuckling all day. And, I figured, with all that’s been going on, as frustrating as it all gets, y’all could probably use a chuckle, too.

Of course, I shouldn’t poke fun. After all, I’ve never had a knack for poetry myself. However, when news of Gore’s poem broke a few days ago, while walking through downtown Philadelphia, bundled up against a chilly breeze, I came up with a poem of my own.

If I may . . . ahem . . .

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

The global warming hoax is dead.

So shut the hell up already.



  1. Anonymous says:

    Standing ovation!!!!

  2. Anonymous says:


    You do show a knack for poetry. That was great!


  3. Dr. Phil says:

    You gotta be a poet, Jeff, your feet are longfellows. Seriously, can we put a 72 hour hold on Gore?

  4. Anonymous says:

    I tried to get thru to Glenn and tell him all that poetry bit needed at the very end was an audio clip of Slingblade saying "I like the way you talk".

  5. Anonymous says:

    WARNING…Don't drink coffee (or any other beverage) while listening to this broadcast…lol…here's my poem for Gore…

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Snow is on the way
    Do hoaxers have a clue?


  6. Boston Blackie says:

    How about this one;

    There once was a man named Gore
    Who everyone agreed was a bore
    When he shouts "the planet has a fever"
    I scream back "Off his head with a clever"

    Sorry, it's still too early for me to have my wits in full gear and it's friggin' freezing out. So much for global warming.

  7. Jan says:

    Jeff – love the sentiment but I think you are more well served if you keep your day job!!!!

  8. goddessdivine says:

    This poem moved my soul.

    Now send it to Gore. ;-)

  9. Anonymous says:

    Gore does not converse with us, the people.

  10. HOLA says:

    Joanna must be so proud of her poet. Put it in Spanish, our soon to be national language, and it might sound more romantic.

  11. GATOR-1 says:


    The warning about not drinking was too late…

    Jeffs poem almost cost me a Laptop

    rollin on the floor laughing mine arse off….

  12. H.Ubris says:

    Gores poem moved me….. to the bathroom.

  13. Maya Angelou says:

    Blackie, you ALMOST had a limerick going there.


    CHARLESTON, W.Va. – A major storm moving up the Atlantic Coast on the last shopping weekend before Christmas threatened to shut down much of the region as officials warned of the potential for up to 20 inches of snow and significant power outages.

    People stocked up on groceries and other staples as the National Weather Service issued winter storm warnings from the Carolinas to New Jersey.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Maybe Neptune's bones are real brittle from all these freezing temperatures, snow and ice.

  16. Anonymous says:

    'works for me Jeff

  17. Gail B says:

    Loved the voice in the background: "Are you crying yet?"

    Al Gore is full of it;
    Congress is passing sh**;
    While we wipe away our tears,
    we call Gore the AH of all years!

    In God We Trust;
    Fight this tyranny we must.
    America, wake up and say,
    "What the H— has happened today?"

    The "vapors that rise" are the stench of the hoax called global warming!

  18. Charo says:

    las rosas son rojas
    las violetas son azules
    La trampa del calentamiento climático está muerta
    Tan cerrado el infierno arriba ya

    See, Jeff, your poem is much more romantic in our future language.

  19. DINOSAUR TEARS says:

    Blackie, I put it in limerick format for you.


    There once was a man named Gore
    Who everyone has agreed is a bore
    When he speaks of earths fever
    You wanna head for a cleaver
    To keep his mouth from running anymore

  20. L.J. Dart says:

    My poem for Al Gore,

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Al Gore is a nard
    and his followers are too

  21. Help me Lord says:

    My church is full of Gore disciples. What should I do?

  22. anonymous says:

    Despite his crappy and enigmatic poem and Glenn Becks amusing treatment of it. Glenn Beck is still a moron and a waste of airtime.

    And tell me why the hell should we still be burning coal? It’s already inefficient and “clean” coal is even worse as most of the coal’s “power” is used up to make it “cleaner”. Sequestering the Carbon Dioxide is feasible and expensive but will be catastrophic if it failed. There are so many better ways to create energy. Wind, Tide, Biomass, Algae, Solar and so on… It’s foolish not to explore and implement these sources. We could have cars running off of electricity. We did, but people rather wait for fuel prices to go up again to start bitching. I don’t even know why I am wasting my time writing this as it would probably be immediately discounted. But, hey maybe I will persuade someone or a the very least stir up an interesting argument. Somehow I doubt either.


  1. [...] … it seemed to lack the same ethereal, imaginative qualities of the as-yet-untitled poem–nay, the tour de force–we here at America’s Right tentatively titled “Neptune’s Bone.” [...]

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