Lipstick on a Pig

The ‘public option’ gets a facelift

Well, this morning, I commenced the proper court procedure needed to change my first name from “Jeff” to “Doctor.” This way, as soon as the paperwork is complete and the process comes to fruition, I will no longer be Jeff Schreiber; instead, you can call me Doctor Schreiber.

I should have thought of this a long time ago. I could have saved myself about $150,000 in tuition and related expenses spent in pursuit of my law degree. Sure, the lawyer money will certainly be nice, but the work hours involved will likely me undesirable — as a doctor now, I can go golfing between surgeries, and keep my office open only three days per week.

Sure, there might be some patients who, as they lay bleary-eyed on that operating table while I guess as to the location of their spleen, feel a little concerned that I never attended medical school. But that’s okay. I’m Doctor Schreiber. The name says it all.

It’s ridiculous, I know. The phrase “lipstick on a pig” comes to mind, as I’m not at all qualified to perform a spleen-ectomy regardless of whether my name is “Doctor,” “Jeff” or “Mister Spleen.” Neither should America and Americans be fooled by the Democrats’ newest attempt at changing names to protect the ignorant, evident from reports this morning that the so-called “public option” will from this point forward be known as the “competitive option.”

Thank you, Doctor Pelosi. I feel so better now about the destruction of our economy, the end of an exceptional health care system, and the erosion of our personal liberties. Gosh, perhaps she and the Democrats should have tried this before with other unpopular and destined-to-fail policies. Oh, wait. Consider this from Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Ignorant, run here at America’s Right on March 25, after the administration disclosed that the Global War on Terror would henceforth be known as the “overseas contingency operation”:

Democrats on Capitol Hill realize the lack of substance to their superficial ideas, and can only resort to changing the name of floundering policies rather than actually working to solve the underlying problem in question. Nobody, for example, wants to buy “toxic assets” so Tim Geithner decides to change the name to “legacy assets.” Similarly, rather than acknowledge the most dangerous threat to our national security, the very same ignorant woman who earlier this month did her best “Baghdad Bob” impression and said that violence in Mexico has yet to cross over the border into America (Homeland Security Director Janet Napolitano) sidelined the term “terrorism” in favor of the more nebulous “man-caused disaster.” And for years, of course, Democrats have referred to “undocumented workers” instead of “illegal immigrants” because their laissez-faire approach to illegal immigration doesn’t seem quite as palatable to an American public reminded that these people are, in fact, here illegally.

All image. No substance. How many times did we say that about candidate Barack Obama last year? Now, those of us who dared to simply point out the obvious look like Nostradamus.

We all know that the “public option” is no option; even if there is some element of choice, that choice will be eroded once government-run health care pushes private insurers out of the market. And it doesn’t take a genius to see that the “opt-out” provision being hailed as a solution to any misgivings regarding the public option is a complete farce as well — what state will dare explain to its citizens that they might be paying into the system, but they’ll get nothing out?

In truth, though, perhaps “competitive option” is the right moniker, after all. Our health care system used to be competitive, and it was that competition–for profits, for market share, for pride in developing the newest advance or game-changing drug–that has facilitated the growth of a system which drives the rest of the world with its doctors, with its ingenuity, with its success.

Nancy Pelosi and her colleagues are living in a fantasy world. She says that any taxpayer money used to establish the public option would be repaid — sure, like with TARP, the contraconstitutional measure that Treasury Sec. Tim Geithner now says is a “revolving fund” which could very well use in perpetuity the taxpayer money used to fund it? And she says that the public option, or whatever the Democrats happen to call it on a given Tuesday, will eventually drive down government costs — sure, like the way that all other government bureaucracy is so darned cost effective.

I could change my first name from “Jeff” to “Doctor,” but that doesn’t mean I’m qualified to perform surgery, just like “Captain” wouldn’t justify me flying an airplane, or “Officer” allow me to blow red lights in hot pursuit of a perp. The only way that putting on lipstick might change this pig is if I changed my name from “Jeff” to “House Speaker” — if Nancy Pelosi can do the job, then the qualifications obviously are easy to come by.



  1. Anonymous says:

    I heard Michael Savage refer to 'Dr. Pelosi' as 'Bella Lugosi'; an ever increasingly apt name, in my opinion. Of course, one would have to go to the 'Way Back Machine' to remember the monster that this actor created on screen.

  2. CHARLIE says:

    Her and hubby should stick to harvesting tuna.

  3. Rix says:

    Congratulations, Dr. Shreiber. You deserve the title to much higher degree than those pro-"reform" clowns posing in white robes on Obama's photo op.

    Be wary of the pictures you post, though. You should have saved the one with the lipstick for Halloween; it was so scary, I almost parted with a just-eaten oatmeal cookie.

  4. goddessdivine says:

    That last line said it all.

  5. suek says:

    Here's another issue that hasn't even begun to be addressed:

  6. Gail B says:

    Rix said–

    "You should have saved the one with the lipstick for Halloween;…."

    You just gave President(?) Schreiber an idea, probably. He will have a GOOD picture up for October 31, no doubt in my mind.

    Did anyone else find it odd that the Obama children were NOT given the H1N1 flue shot but that Obama is supposed to have been vaccinated against it BEFORE he went to Mexico (and BEFORE it even broke out)?

    Jeff said–

    "The only way that putting on lipstick might change this pig is if I changed my name from "Jeff" to "House Speaker" — if Nancy Pelosi can do the job, then the qualifications obviously are easy to come by."

    Somebody call the fire department–I smell SMOKE!

  7. Boston Blackie says:

    Doctor, I am sure you(and most Americans) are more informed about healthcare than those stooges in D.C. so why not call yourself doctor. You can open an office and have your receptionist schedule appointments for 6 months out, nobody will question the lag since that will be the norm. Your diagnosis will always be "take two aspirins" since the WH and the NY Times believe that we shouldn't know what sicknesses we have, for cost savings. Then you submit your fee to the government bean counters for reimbursement. Hey, that sounds like such a good plan, I think I will become Dr. Blackie. Since we already have required universal healthcare here in mASSachusetts, I won't have to wait for the federal plan. This is better than hitting the lottery – thanks for the idea, I owe you one!!

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