What’s in a Name?

Assigned Reading: Fugitive D’AlCapone AlPacino Morris Arrested
(FROM: Dayton Daily News)

Like last month’s “Two Mexican Midget Wrestlers Killed By Fake Prostitutes,” some news stories have negligible amounts of news value, but should be noted because of headlines alone. This, the tale of a fugitive murderer by the name of D’AlCapone AlPacino Morris, is one of them.

But seriously, folks — what kind of a chance did D’AlCapone AlPacino really have? And I’m not talking about the purported lack of opportunities afforded to lower-income people, either. I’m talking strictly about having that name.

Somehow, I don’t suspect I’ll be facing off against D’AlCapone AlPacino Morris, Esq. someday in a court of law. Somehow, I don’t hear “Paging Dr. D’AlCapone AlPacino Morris” coming across any hospital loudspeakers anytime soon, even if ObamaCare–excuse me, KennedyCare–passes.

With a name like D’AlCapone AlPacino, there’s pretty much only one occupational route in life — fugitive, and not a very good one at that. It’s a shame, however, that someone had to die in order to allow him to attain his goals. Perhaps there’s more help for his brother, D’Stephen McHawking.



  1. BARRY says:

    He could have moved to Indonesia and changed his name.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I work at a school cafeteria. The work is not easy by any means but the pay is decent and I have State Insurance ( for now). Yesterday, a new hire came through the door. As the manager made her rounds introducing her to all of us and was explaining we rotate positions every week, she said today you will be working with this lady to learn the dish room. Immediately this new hire said, NO, I won't do dishes! The manager said this is part of the job. Again, she said I won't do dishes, walked out and went back home to live off my meager tax dollars. This is what is wrong with America. People think everything should be handed to them, insurance included. I prefer to "earn" my own way the way I was raised. Thank you Mom and Dad!


  3. SALLY-1, LAZY SLOB-0 says:

    I salute Sally, and to hell with the cafeteria quitter of yesterday.

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