Vice president slips, reveals existence and location of secret bunker
The day was June 15, 1992. At an elementary school spelling bee in Trenton, New Jersey, Vice President Dan Quayle corrected–albeit strenuously–a student’s spelling of “potato,” maintaining to dropped jaws around the room and country that the popular tuber actually is spelled with an additional “e” on the end.
William Figueroa, the student, soon thereafter appeared as a guest on David Letterman’s late night television show during its last year on NBC, and was asked to lead the Pledge of Allegiance at that summer’s Democratic National Convention. Quayle was ridiculed endlessly, and to this day eats only tortilla chips and julienned vegetables instead of potato chips and french fries.
Okay, so that last part was a complete fabrication. The truth, however, is that current Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. makes former Vice President James Danforth Quayle III look like Albert Friggin’ Einstein. When it comes to President Obama’s second-in-command, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.
During last year’s presidential campaign, among other fun items, Biden (1) maintained that “jobs” was a three-letter word, (2) misstated the provision in the Constitution governing the role of the vice president, (3) introduced the man at the top of his ticket as “Barack America,” (4) argued that “when the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed” (FDR wasn’t president at that time, and TV was still in experimental stages), and (5) told a wheelchair-bound state lawmaker to stand up.
Since taking his position as Vice President, Biden has (a) been unable to recall the “Web site number” for one of the administration’s Web sites, (b) caused panic by warning people to stay off the subways, (c) dropped the “f-bomb” while on a live microphone because he was late to an event, (d) mocked the Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court for an Inauguration Day blunder, and (e) substituted “Stewart” for “Stevens” when addressing the Associate Supreme Court Justice of the latter name.
Today, Fox News is reporting that, during the recent Gridiron Dinner, Biden actually revealed the existence and location of the secret, fortified bunker developed and used by his predecessor in the wake of the September 11, 2001 attacks.
Yet he continues to get a complete pass from the mainstream press, the same people who likely still joke about Quayle if given the chance, the same people who dismissed and derided Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin–who Biden famously said was only lieutenant governor–as being intellectually incapable of holding the vice presidency.
Obviously, some people are incapable of keeping their mouths open for a significant period of time without stuffing a loafer past their tonsils. Biden is one of those people. Quayle was too, as his blunders were not limited to the “potato” incident. Honestly, nobody is perfect–even the liberal Messiah needs a TelePrompter–but perfection doesn’t even enter into it: all I ask, all the people deserve, is for the treatment of these people to be the same regardless of political ideology. Stupidity and the inability to conjure up a complete sentence, after all, knows no political party.
In the meantime, if you need me, I’ll be poking around in the vice presidential bunker now that I know where it is — it was built by Dick Cheney, so there must be some good scotch or something down there.